nyteowl: (Default)
I was discussing this with my dear friend, the great mind known as [livejournal.com profile] hammercock . My theory that there seems to be a certain variety of male human who thrives on selecting mates who are prone towards excessive levels of drama.

They repeatedly choose these troubled mates, time and time again. The names change, but the problems are often the same.
For example, I knew a man who repeatedly choose women who were sexually assaulted and/or sexually abused by a family member. The women were not the type who sought help, or wished to recover or heal from their wounds - but were more prone towards seeking out men with whom they could continue their little misery tango. The man would complain that these women ruined his life, wasted his time, and were in general, a huge hassle. However, he was the first to say that these women were "sexy" or "intriguing" or "good in bed".

Another man choose women who needed to be rescued - either from some sort of imagined or real level of fragility or some other psychological injury or significant illness.
Once the woman recovered, or started to heal from her injury, the man felt as if he was no longer needed and/or his roleplaying with the woman was no longer working to his advantage so he would do what he could to terminate the relationship (or the woman wanted to throttle him so SHE terminated the relationship)

What's particularly troubling about this is that the really troubled women almost always get their mates (actually, I've seen lesbians do this to each other too). Who can resist a woman who on the surface, is as intriguing and colorful as a rubik's cube, or as needy and fragile as a kitten in the rain?

DAMMIT!! I used to know how to do this fucking puzzle.. isn't there a solution to this online somewhere? wow.. this is incredibly boring isnt it?

Some men seek out women they think will tend to THEM and their frailties. Someone who will feed their fragile egos and lack of self-esteem by putting them up on a pedestal and worshipping them.
Once the relationship passes the New Relationship Euphoria phase and/or the woman seeks out some reciprocal level of support the man flees because he realizes that the woman has found his achilles heel - he is incapable of being an adult and providing any sort of emotional support.

I think this whole dynamic plays itself out most often when people are in their 20's and early 30's.
By the time women are in their late 30's, they start to realize that the men who are "still" single at our age are single for a REASON
We get bored of dealing with the same stupid mental Twister games time and time again and resolve to making a life for ourselves that involves friends, hobbies, family, travel, work, adventure, spiritual practice, volunteer work, everything else that's meaningful - just not marriage.

Not all men are annoyingly addicted to psychotic women, or having unhealthy relationships.
I know a few guys who have given up on dating alltogether.

They'll be the ones who we spinsters hang out with when we're in our 70's - at least we'll have someone to share our homebrew with, and mixed partners for Canasta.

Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year?

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nyteowl

March 2009

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