Memorandum

MEMORANDUM

TO: ERIS

FROM: Dances with Spoons

DATE: 21 July, 2005

RE: Today's Events

While I appreciate your efforts to keep us on our toes, I believe that today's use of excessive force was downright nasty.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you could do better by spreading the chaos out over the course of several hours instead of scooping it out like a giant blob of salmonella-infested macaroni salad at a church picnic.

For example:

• Hiding my keys in my gym bag. What did I do to deserve that? I was running around looking for them for 10 minutes! I didn't put them there, did I? I don't appreciate you talking to the cats behind my back.



• 2 women who had a fender-bender on 93 southbound in the center lane. I went to yell at them but my brain would not engage and I could not muster the power to yell "PULL OVER TO THE SHOULDER YOU IDIOTS!!". It's not like any of them were "hurt" and there was no visible damage to either of their vehicles. The only damage was to my patience when dealing with getting AROUND them (and the rubbernecking - nice touch there). They were just standing there, staring at their cars, and contemplating the beauty of all the traffic coming to a crawl just to see if there are any gaping headwounds to be seen. The sheeple love to see accidents with injuries.



• London. Seriously, couldn't you be a bit more creative?



• Car vs. Car vs. center wall on Masspike westbound. Police. People standing around scratching their heads. More rubernecking.



• Car vs. Car part deux - just a few hundred feet from the previous incident. It's my belief that you orchestrated an unscheduled alien visitation this morning which caused this multi-vehicle accident. I'll bet you also had a hand in the "rollover on the masspike near 128" which caused the po-leece to close the road for a short time. How do people roll their cars over anyway? I mean, they must be focusing on something other than the road. See what happens when you give the monkeys cell phones and in-dash mp3 players?



• The impatient and the insane - both need technical support this morning.

Again, no disrespect intended but you will need to send more drugs/chocolate/coffee if you intend for us to continue in your service.

Thank you.

Economics for Dummies

MEMORANDUM

TO: Economics Dept.

FROM: Durian Spice

DATE: 21 July, 2005

RE: Mathematics

I need to understand something.

What happens when Hewlett Packard lays off 15,000 people, and Eastman Kodak lays off 20,000 people, and one huge company buys out another big company and then closes an office and thousands of those workers lose their jobs?

Are there that many other jobs those people can go to?

What does a 50 year old engineer do when hir job is eliminated and still has a mortgage, and kids to take care of, and nobody wants to hire hir because they think its going to cost too much money and the engineer is going to retire in 15 years anyway and why pay a grownup a living wage when you can pay a kid fresh out of college half of what you pay the 50 year old with more experience?

I'm confused here. Does this person just go off to die? Do they get a divorce and have to go move back home with their parents because they have to get a job at Barnes & Noble just to have money for food?

Do we have to make a deal with that guy with the goatee? You know, the one played by Viggo Mortensen
who ripped Christopher Walken's heart out in The Prophecy? wow.. viggo looked awesome as Lucifer, didn't he? Kinda like an evil Aragorn

I just can't make the math work on this equation. Jobs Lost > Jobs available = Folks-R-Fucked

What does it mean when a big company gets swallowed up by a bigger company reducing competition in the marketplace? Does that mean we have less choice than ever before? Does lack of competition drive up market costs and drive down quality?

Please provide information as to where one might find the answers to these questions.

I might have been asleep absent that day when this information was being taught.

Thank you.